How to stop them from pushing your buttons?
You know those people that tend to reaaally drive you crazy and push all your buttons? You might have been just fine, but one look, one comment or one misplaced word from them and you are ready to go all terminator on them.
Maybe it’s a colleague at work, or your boss. Maybe your mother in law, your partner or even your own child? It really doesn’t matter who they are, they just know how to trigger your worst behavior.
What would you say if I would tell you that that person is in your life for a reason. Even better – it is your greatest teacher?
I would probably end just like them, right? Being hissed at or at least being exposed to numerous not-very-pretty-adjectives in your mind. 😉
I am sure you would be willing to thoroughly elaborate to me why is he or she wrong, or why you have a certain opinion of them.
I know. I have been there myself.
Until I woke up and realized they are in my life because I CHOSE them to be. They are my vibrational match coming to teach me the next lesson I need to learn.
Today, when I sense a glimpse of those kind of feelings coming up – I become aware. Super aware. I know I am about to learn something big and heal another part of myself being ready to be healed.
So, I say: ‘‘Hello and welcome!’’
What is it actually about?
The shadow represents our repressed instinct energies that are locked in the subconscious. We are projecting our shadow on others and attract people who express the energy we keep there.
They might have something we don’t – be it a quality or skill that we feel we lack, such as self-confidence or talking easily to strangers. Or they have something in themselves that we do as well, but aren’t willing to admit it to ourselves. That’s why we call it a Shadow.
In example, if we can`t stand laziness in others, we might need to allow ourselves time for resting and refreshment.
If we rejected our personal power – our boss or partner might be a tyrant.
If we are a person who always gives too much to others – we`ll attract a relationship with someone who is cold and distant.
If we do not allow ourselves to be sad or angry – we will criticize people who easily express these feelings.
If we stifle and repress our emotions – we will not be tolerant of those who are needy, weepy or very expressive.
How do you cope with shadows?
Usually, our first instinct it to try to remove the stimulus that could arouse our shadow by judging. However, if we suffocate our shadow we actually invest an enormous amount of energy into that instead of something constructive.
On the other hand, when we accept our shadow, we understand more about ourselves and others. We open the doors to freedom.
So, next time you notice someone is making you angry, jealous, frustrated, sad, insecure or you recognize any other uncomfortable emotion rising up from deepest parts of your being:
– Stop. Become aware.
– Ask yourself: How does that actually make me feel?
– Where is that feeling coming from?
– What do I actually need?
– Thank that person (in your mind and heart for start).
– Start finding ways how to give yourself what you actually need.
When we learn our lesson, those people and situations will either magically disappear from our lives or they will be here but they won’t trigger us at all. As the matter of fact, at that point we couldn’t care less for their actions. Or…guess what – we might even start to like them. Imagine that! 😉
That’s exactly what I teach during all my workshops. Especially in the School of Personal Change. We really dive deep into ourselves there. My students easily fish out all their subconscious behaviors and beliefs, they learn how to accept themselves and change what doesn’t serve them anymore.
I’ve seen so many transformations so far, that by now I can honestly say – we all have it inside of us. We can all learn how to be happy, how to love ourselves, how to respect ourselves and others. And once you start doing that… it makes all the difference in the world.